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Not feeling good, not feeling good at all. I've estimated I've gained about 25 pounds since my lowest weight. Some of which is definitely muscle. However, I feel huge. I feel big, I feel bulky. I get so sad when I go over my calories goal, even though my body needs the calories I give it. I feel guilty and ashamed. Is anyone else having troubles w/ recovery? Please DM me, we're in this together. #ed #eatingdisorder #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #strongnotskinny #skinny #ifeelfat #recovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #recoveryishard #recoveryjourney #binge #bingeeating #bingeeatingdisorder #ana #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosa #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexiarecover #anarecovery #recoveryisnteasy #overweight #weightgain #weightloss #eatingdisordercommunity #eatingdisordered #eatingdisorderfamily #eatingdisorderawareness

2 0 Dec 15, 2017

I was tempted to drink Smooth Move tonight after dinner. I didn't overeat or binge but I wanted that empty stomach feeling so that I'd feel better about wearing that dress tomorrow. The main thing that stopped me was the thought of having to periodically use the restroom during the wedding, which wouldn't be pleasant. Now, I'm getting stressed about my speech and trying to change it. Urges to binge are rising up and it feels all too familiar like when I was still in school and studying non-stop. Again, I think the main thing that's stopping me is wanting to feel good wearing that dress tomorrow.. I honestly can't wait for this wedding to be over. I've been so stressed and anxious, including being so hard on myself about eating and working out. Hopefully, I'll be able to let myself relax a bit, eating what I want and not working out as hard or as much.

1 2 Dec 15, 2017

CRUSHED it tonight 🏃🏻‍♀️💦 aaaand i’m 4️⃣ days binge free! #sweatselfie #bingefree #bingefreestreak #recovery #bingeeatingdisorder #bed #healthylifestyle

3 0 Dec 15, 2017

I didn't have much to put into my rice paper rolls for lunch so all of the flavour and goodness is in that tahini dressing with tamari, honey, sesame oil and lime. I dunked those veggie rolls in liberally and when they were done I had at it with my fingers because I'm a glamorous woman! #nourish #nurture #recoveryispossible #recoveryisworthit #nourishing #balance

17 1 Dec 15, 2017

I’ve been working hard at trying to make my dinner pleasing to my eye. It makes me enjoy the food more. ❤️💁🏼 #edrecovery #mealplan #dinner ❤️ #eatingdisorderrecovery #bingeeatingdisorder #ednos #edwarrior #edfamily

3 0 Dec 15, 2017

Throwback to the picture on the left when I knew nothing about my eating disorder. I felt lost and like I had zero self control over my body. I didn't know how to feel my emotions. If I was happy? I'd eat. Sad? I'd eat. Angry? I'd eat. I would restrict, restrict, restrict. But then I'd binge and feel helpless again. It was a never ending cycle. Finding out my BED diagnosis was just the beginning of my journey, but it felt like a breathe of fresh air. For the first time in my life, I doesn't feel alone with this. There is hope for eating disorders, but a lot of times the beginning is simply knowledge 🙂

43 4 Dec 15, 2017

#fdoe i had tea for breakfast, 3 cabbage filled bao buns!!! for lunch, and a quest bar with an apple for dinner! tbh I knew we were getting this for lunch and decide to restrict because guilt kicked in 😓 #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #disorder #anorexia #eatingdisorder #ednos #ednosrecovery #ed #bingeeating #bingeeatingdisorder

7 0 Dec 15, 2017

A message to you and a reminder for me 💞 #takecare

8 1 Dec 15, 2017

🗣: REAL TALK. I binged on food tonight. I did SO WELL during the day. But tonight, I fell off the wagon...HARD. I had almost two peanut butter brownies...I mindlessly ate them because; A) Ya gurl loves to stress eat B) I didn’t care And now, here I am thinking, why can’t you control yourself? I had spaghetti and two Texas toast for dinner and a very full glass of pinot noir. There’s just no excuse. 🙅🏼‍♀️ Two steps forward, five steps back. And it’s frustrating because when I’m emotional, food fuels me so badly. I know my short comings, but it’s frustrating when you do so well and then even a small thing can trigger an explosive let down. I’ve struggled with this disorder for probably 10-ish years. I’ve been so over weight because food is a coping mechanism (and an unhealthy one) that I’ve relied on through extremely stressful times in my life...and I always seem to find myself victim to it...and allowing it to have “space” in my life. I just wanted to share. The good and the bad. I’m working on the whole “love yourself” thing...never has been easy for me. Well, my #weeklies are gone. And actually I am in the negatives now, so, cool. 🙄😩🤦🏼‍♀️ Move forward. That’s what I keep saying. Just accept things, and move forward positively. . . . . . #weightloss #weightlossjourney #weightlossmotivation #fitfam #fitness #fitbit #fitbitcharge2 #stepgoal #myfitnesspal #vermont #greenmountainstate #goalcrusher #ww #weightwatchers #wwfamily #wwsisterhood #wwonline #wwsupport #bepositive #disappointed #binge #bingeeating #bingeeatingdisorder

7 1 Dec 15, 2017

#me the one day out of the last few weeks i put makeup on. the face of #recovery. the face of trying real hard. the face of fear and #anxiety and #depression and #bingeeatingdisorder and #eatingdisorderrecovery and that’s all ok. it’s a genuine smile. nope im not completely thrilled with myself yet and certainly don’t love my body but i hate it less and less each day. it’s mine and i will be ok. #love #selfie #selfienation

16 7 Dec 15, 2017

Post-workday SunChips and cheese stick as per usual 💁🏼❤️ #edrecovery #mealplan #snack #eatingdisorderrecovery #bingeeatingdisorder #edwarrior #ednos

6 0 Dec 15, 2017

Even 11 years later, I’ll never forget my pizza story. 🍕 . I was dieting hard, just wrapped a fitness show and I was starving. . Instead of being the lame friend, I opted to join my friends at Mellow Mushroom for some pizza and beer. But, let’s be clear, I didn’t touch it. Instead, I ordered a salad with dried chicken and these nasty ass cranberry things on top. I remember the croutons were stale too. . When the pizza arrived, I felt an overwhelming desire to eat a slice and the distinctive voice inside my head singing, “Don’t you dare.” So, I stuck with my boring salad and felt a sense of empowerment that I could control my cravings and be disciplined enough to avoid pizza unlike my friends. 👯‍♀️ . After dinner, I went home and was still super hungry. I opted for an apple 🍎because I thought it was the healthy choice to make but I was still unsatisfied. I ate 2 big tablespoons of peanut butter, followed by cereal and I topped it off by dialing Papa John’s Pizza delivery and ordered the largest pizza they had. . I inhaled it, licking my fingers clean and devoured every last morsel. I felt disgusting, bloated, sick and overly full. . Then the guilt and shame set in. What I thought was control, perfection and discipline quickly turned into a full on binge session followed by immense sadness. ☹️ . Needless to say, my food control was far from perfect. Which leads me to this, don’t let perfect be the enemy of “good enough.” . Instead of counting every morsel, grain or macro to perfection, make it imperfect and know it’s good enough. I can guarantee this is the golden ticket to long term food freedom and nutritional success, not obsessing over calories and numbers dancing around in your head.💜

43 3 Dec 15, 2017

Wow you guys! We've almost made it, look how far we've come! 🙌🏼 Artwork by sarahandersencomics 💓

33 1 Dec 15, 2017

I lost my Papaw today. 😔 Please keep my Grandma in your prayers. He was Avery's best friend and an epic grandfather. I'm going to miss him so much. See ya later Papaw 💔 #loss #grandfather #grandparents #rip #heartbroken

4 1 Dec 15, 2017
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